i, Carla have an anxiety problem.
i, Carla loves to type.
i, Carla + anxiety + typing = iCarla Blogs.
I kind of don’t know what else to do with myself at this point.
I have been suffering with anxiety and anxiety related problems for over 15 years now. I still remember my first attack as if it was yesterday. It was horrifying. At 16 years old I really believed I was dying – predominantly of a heart attack. I had no idea what this tremendously bad feeling was nor where it came from. I felt both physically and mentally sick. I didn’t know wether I was going to throw up or pass out and my thoughts were a tunnel of doom and gloom. Sweating, shaking, crying, all for no apparent reason. It got to a point where I started fearing these attacks and would try to do anything to prevent or stop them.
Little did I know just how much these mysterious attacks would effect my life. I did not even know what they were. Back then not a lot of people seemed to know about anxiety problems, it took me years before I even heard the term “anxiety attack”. And now my sense of fear and prevention have led me to a life I don’t want to live.
Currently I am extremely introverted. I used to work and have had a variety of jobs but since late 2013 I have been unemployed. I get extremely depressed to the point where I don’t leave the house for DAYS. I am extremely anxious in social situations. I don’t like strangers (I am 32 years old for crying out loud). I am in therapy (and starting to hate it). I have passed up and avoided more opportunities and situations then I care to remember and overall I feel like a gigantic loser.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I have decided to start typing and see what happens. Maybe somewhere, somehow, my words can help someone out there.