Life isn’t going to change itself … (A note to self)

I woke up this morning and as I sat on the porcelain throne I began to recall a dream I must have been having sometime in the night.  I could see myself in a white coat, working in a pharmacy.  I could see myself counting out pills and working around the ever-so-prestigious pharmacy counter.

Almost immediately-as in before I had even gotten off the aforementioned “throne” I realized that maybe this is an obtainable and logical goal for me.  Scary, new, and unknown, but I feel like it could be just what I need.  It would allow me to continue my education, pursue a career in healthcare, and get back out into the world in a safe, comfortable environment (School).

Looking at the admission requirements I realize I will need to upgrade my science courses.  Luckily, I can easily do this at the same college that I plan to attend for the Pharmacy Technician program.  The downside is that it will add another year until I would be graduating and actively looking for a job, bringing the total to 3 years.  Not bad.  Not great.  But when I think to myself that I could be and am trying to equip myself with skills that will carry me through the next decade and beyond, 3 years seems like a small chunk of time.

This is something that I will need to think about a lot more.  I need to weigh the pros and cons.  I need to truly ask myself if this is what I want to pursue.  I don’t want to waste too much time thinking about it though because life is not going to change itself and I want a change.

I want to be able to live independently (without parents and/or social assistance), I want to have job security, and I want to do more then an entry level job.  The more I think about it the more it makes sense to me.  I need to make sure that this isn’t just a “today” decision.  I will need to weigh my options and at least sleep on it a few times before I make my final decision.

If in 2 weeks I still feel the same way I will apply for Pre-Health Sciences and see what happens.  There are a few other cards that need to fall into place in between now and potentially starting in September but if I never start the ball rolling it will never get anywhere.  I have said it before and I will say it again – I do not want to spend any part of my future living how I have in the past.  I am realizing that if I want certain things in life I need to make them happen for myself.

In the end I want a place that we can call our own, my love and I.  I want to be able to choose my next car and be able to afford it (nothing fancy by any means but a reliable, decent car that I ENJOY).  I want a job I don’t hate.  I may dislike aspects of my future “goal job” but at the end of the day I feel that it would not suck my soul like oh-so-many of my General-Labour-type jobs have.  I don’t want to be an uneducated-general-skills-thirty-something wanting it all and having nothing.

It will be a tremendous amount of work and will take discipline, excellent time management and has the potential to rob me of many hours of sleep.  But… But if I can look back in 10 years and breathe a sigh of relief that I did it [try] as oppose to a cry of regret because I was too afraid [to try], it will be worth the work, the exhaustion and the hours I will spend studying.

So that’s that.  I put it into words.  I did not want to forget this.  I don’t want to forget this day of minor-ephiphanie I feel that I have had.  The realization that I can and just may return to school to pursue a better life has made me feel brighter all day.  Like there is a silver lining for me, that maybe, just maybe, if I put my efforts in the right direction I could MAYBE get where I want to be.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

My New Addiction | #QuobyORLY #BreathableNailColor

Quo by Orly BREATHABLE Nail Color in 3 Spring-alicious shades.
Happy & Healthy, The Antidote, Beauty Essential

I first started purchasing these nail colours a few weeks ago.  It looked like a new line of Orly polishes so colour-me-happy I bought 2 right off the hop.  Tried ’em, loved ’em, and now I can’t get enough of ’em!

The 2 that started it all… | Happy & Healthy + Beauty Essential

This polish is a treatment+color as well as the base and top coats.  It’s a one stop shop.  One bottle, 2 coats, your done.  This polish dries fast and has an excellent pigment payoff especially after 2 coats.  It also has excellent wear value.  It does not chip off as easily as other brands (*cough* Essie), I am finding I can go days before noticing a chip.  My nails look pretty farting good all week.

Grey + Pink | Quo by Orly “Happy & Healthy”

Their colour ranges from clear, baby pink, and mint green to dark purple and a wicked red.  I want them all and I am slowly working on my collection.  I pick one new one up on my weekly Shoppers Drug Mart trips.  It’s a little pick-me-up for getting out of the house and getting errands done.  I might buy the red one next.  I feel like it would look so fab on my toes!

Dark Purple + Light Pink + Spring Coral = my new FAVES

The formula is smooth with a perfectly sculpted brush for applying professional looking self-manis and pedis.  Easily lasts 7 days with minimal chipping.  Addicting.  Now that I have started to use this line it is the only one I want to use.

My nails these days are hard for me to grow.  They are brittle and break making it hard for me to ultimately shape them the way I like.  Since I started using the Breathable line [4-6 weeks ago], my nails grew out happy and healthy – just as the name suggests! They feel stronger and I have managed to grow them longer then I have in months.  I have actually had to cut them down because they were getting too long for my personal comfort.  Even in trimming I was able to trim my nails nicely instead of taking them down too far because it cut weird on a brittle, dry, nail.  They are not too short and looking much better then this time 6 weeks ago.  Literally the only polish I want to wear on my fingers and toes this Spring and Summer Season! I cannot wait to buy AND TRY (!) the next addition to my colour collection.

Solid 10/10 for this Quo+Orly collaboration.  I have always enjoyed Orly Nail Polish and this line does not disappoint.  I am literally excited to go out tomorrow (Saturday) morning to get me another shade.  It’s a little thing but it’s a happy thing in my little world.

I may not be able to change my past or lift myself out of the depressive potholes I keep falling into but I can change my nails.  It makes me happy to see a pretty colour on my nails [especially if I can GROW them!].  There have been times in the recent weeks I would just be lying in bed staring into space, zoning out into the wonderful world of “what ifs”, questioning everything, and I look at my new pretty nails that I did myself and it zaps me back to a happier thought.  There are days when I may not even wash my face, let alone shower, but I will make time to paint my nails (not everyday, just some days).  It is a small gesture of self care to myself and for whatever reason, it helps.

It’s a little pizzaz in my otherwise pizzaz-less outfit of track pants & my love’s sweatshirt. I would rate this line of nail polish a 4 out of 5 lipsticks for a great formula, being a 3-in-one, and because I am indeed addicted to buying them.  It loses a lipstick, ironically, for it’s price point.  It retails for about $10.99 CDN (when not on sale) and that just saddens me.  I know that “higher-end” polish does indeed go for more then $10 a bottle but I personally prefer to pay LESS then $10 for one bottle of polish, especially at a drugstore.

4 lipsticks out of 5_iDiV2

So now we wait. For tomorrow we will have a new colour to apply to keep me reverting to happy thoughts all week.  Until then take care and thank you for reading about how much I enjoy this new nail polish.


I need a new look

Ahh April.  It’s a new month, we are in a new season, and I am living in a new space.  The sun is out today and I feel like I could use a pick-me-up.

I want to walk to a hair place that is close by and get something fresh done with my ‘do.  I have been noticing that I seem to always gravitate toward this same look.  Blonde on top, Black or whatever on the bottom, and a super-fried shag.  I loved this look 10 years ago, hec probably MORE then 10 years ago now, and I am ready for a change.  Ever since I added Violet aka Blackish-Blueish-kinda-not-so-violet to my hair [a few weeks ago] I have been HATING IT. I got my mom [an ex-stylist] to trim some of my shaggy layers thinking that would help.  It didn’t.  The top looks and feels pretty good but my bottom 2-4 inches is just nasty.  It is so broken and fried that you can almost see through it.  That is NOT HOT.

I have saved oodles of pictures to my phone for months now of haircuts that I like.  Their all mostly the same type of cut so clearly I like it but I am afraid I will hate it on me.  As much as I want to update my look I am so afraid to do it.  I worry I will hate it more if I cut it but at the same time I am hating it now so what do I have to lose?  I hate washing it these days, I HATE styling it – I just threw away my blow-drying brush and I am just about ready to chuck my straightener.  I love a good blow out but I just keep failing doing mine.  I am hating the straightener.  Straight hair was so 10-15 years ago, I am sick of seeing it on myself.  I look the same, pretty much, as I did in 2010 (hair wise).  I chopped it all off a la pixie in 2014 and loved it for all of 2 seconds.  I cried for months but I did it because I was SUPPOSED TO grow it back au natural.  That did not happen and here I am, crispy, fried, over-dyed and frizzy.  As usual.

I am mad at myself for not doing what I originally set out to do which was grow out my natural hair and start over.  I am also embarrassed that I don’t seem to have the willpower to not dye my hair.  I know I need to stop colouring it again and I want to stop.  At least stop anything that isn’t highlights or a nice blonde.  I like highlights and I like certain shades of blonde [on me].

I realize also that the reason that I have continued to dye and fry my hair is due to therapy and my mental health journey.  Anytime anything happens I feel the need to dye my hair.  It needs to stop.

I don’t feel pretty or fab in anyway lately with my hair.  It is not complimenting my face or skin.  I don’t want to spend an hour or 2 styling it anymore.  I used to enjoy spending hours frilling with my hair.  I have more important things I wish to use my time on.  So, since I don’t trust myself to do anymore DIY hair stuff and I could use a pick-me-up I am trying to convince myself that I CAN and SHOULD go get my hair done.  I have only had it done in a salon environment 3x in my life.  I can’t afford colour which is fine right now but I am pretty sure I can afford a trim/new style.

Will I do it? I do not know.  I want to but I may need to sit here and encourage myself for a few more hours.

I hate my hair and I need some new hair but I am too afraid to go and ask for what I want.  Let’s see where this potentially takes us.

I like Cute Socks and I cannot lie


These socks are so cute, I love ’em!

I took this photo the other day and I posted it to Instagram and I got so much awesome feedback! I mean, I thought this was a fab look but I had no idea so many people would agree with me *YaY Me*. Anyways, I just wanted to share this picture because I do love it, everything about it.

I got those cute socks at Target when it was in Canada.  Damn do I miss Target. SO MUCH.  I know I could hop online or cross the river (the Niagara/NY border is not far from me at all), but it just is not the same as wondering the store.  Especially with a lovely Starbucks bevvie in hand. Oh lawdy how I loved those trips.  By myself more often then not.  It’s okay, I didn’t mind.  It gave me time to think and a place to go to get out of the house.

Those flats look cute but are not so comfy.  I remember buying them in preparation for a job interview that I got myself last summer.  They were on sale at Payless for $13, I wanted some black flats, they were cheap, I bought them… I got what I paid for.  I need to invest in a better pair because flats are one of my favourite foot fashion staples.  I never did wear these to the interview that they were purchased for, I opted for a more professional shoe and ultimately did not get the job … not because of my shoes… I would hope.  I never did find out why I didn’t get the job either but it still pains me to think about it because I really wanted it.  I will admit that mentally I was and am still not ready to work but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it.  I try sometimes just to see what will happen. Who knows? Could be my next nightmare, could also be my future calling.

The cuffed up denim I have on are a pair of Old Navy jeans that my mother-in-law gave to me.  Oddly enough we are almost the exact same size (which would be small to very small), and these jeans fit me perfectly.  I like to cuff ’em for that vintage rock & roll vibe.

I feel the need to go thrifting.  I keep promising myself I will go as the town I am in has at least 2 if not 3 that I can walk to.  With the weather being so dreary I have been hesitant to go anywhere this week.  I need some thrift-spiration.  I also need to clean out my clothes BIG TIME.  Since we have moved I am realizing how little I wear… let me re-phrase that… I am realizing how much of my clothes I don’t seem to care to wear anymore.  I am playing with the idea of putting some stuff up on eBay or Etsy but until I can actually get to more of my clothes (and purses!) to see what there is and how much there is (or is not), I will just wait, and continue to think about it.



Rainy Days, Hair Woes, and missing Mom


Today was a very rainy Saturday.  It has been cold, wet, and grey. I don’t like it.  This weather just makes me want to curl up in bed, which is exactly what I did today.  Turned out to be a bad idea.

I woke up feeling all sorts of funky.  It happens on occasion, it’s a shame really because I do love naps but this waking up to feeling not-so-fine causes me to avoid naps sometimes because it’s just not worth the risk.  I feel like I may have been dreaming.  I woke up with my mom on my mind.  I should go visit soon, perhaps make use of her bathtub that I enjoy so much, have a cup of tea and a chat.  I feel like I miss her.  She’s not far away and I did not see her long ago.  I just could not shake this funky feeling-aka looming anxiety- so I took an Ativan to calm myself.  I even woke my Love because I felt I needed him awake with me.  He now sits beside me watching the hockey game which is fine, as long as he is beside me in case of emergency-comfort-needing I am good.

Phew. Ativan is kicking in.

I have been thinking too much today.  Thinking too much about the past and who I was and how I got here.  Thinking too much about my life before.  I am not that person any more and I do not miss her, I don’t know why for a moment I felt as though I missed that person.  That person was so down she couldn’t see any light, she self-sabotaged and constantly isolated herself and she thought that she wasn’t worthy of the happiness she so badly wanted to feel.

I have to remind myself of how far I have come.  I am plowing through my EMDR so I should not be surprised if a few episodes pop up here and there but I always am.  It always seems to happen after a period of feeling really put together and whole in myself.  I felt great the last few days-a week and then tonite I just felt like I could fall apart.  I have actually probably been feeling this way since I woke up this morning I have just been trying to ignore it.  Again, turned out to be a bad idea.  After all day of thinking too much it just overwhelmed my brain.

I was feeling as though I am doing nothing, going nowhere, just watching life go by.  I was questioning if all this time and money spent on therapy is worth it? Is this where I want my life to go? Where DO I want my life to go? Even now the answer is the same: I DON’T KNOW.  I have come this far that I can’t stop now so I can only hope and pray that this is the right path for me, that life will work out, and I will feel worthy of everything I want, deserve, and work for.

I got the itch to 2 tone my hair again last week which I am still not sure if that was a conscience or a dissociative thing to do.  It seemed like a BRILLIANT idea last Monday but pretty much since Tuesday I have been regretting my decision.  I did all this work to be all blonde just to f*ck it up in less then 20 minutes.  This too I have been overthinking – am I just trying to revert to a previous self? Did I really want to do this style? Am I looking dated in a way I don’t want to? Am I making myself look harsh? … Again, the answer is I DON’T KNOW. Looking at that photo I took the other day it looks pretty rad and I feel like I like it. Something so mundane as hair colour keeps me lost in thoughts for hours.  Leave it, keep it, change it, color oops it… all these options overwhelm me.  For now, mostly due to my lack of ambition (thanks depression!), I will NOT bother to do a damn thing color-wise for a few weeks yet.  Buys me more time to make my decision and see how this black/purple/blue dye bleeds out… I seem to have had a hair dying addiction for a few years now.  Really, I just want to be back to blonde. I was born a blonde and I love blonde.  I just want blonde.  All these years of red, black, violet, orange, blue and any other color you can think of was just a desperate plea to be blonde.  My mother always told me I looked “cheap” with (white) blonde hair so to keep her happy I would often I would avoid keeping it blonde.  I have got to stop thinking that way. I can do what I want and be whoever I want to be.

I think this scares me, the thought that I can be whoever I want to be.  Quite possibly because I am not quite sure yet who I want to be but I do know that I am on my way there. I have become so used to pleasing someone else before pleasing myself that it feels weird to be fully in charge of myself.  Sometimes I feel like I want to do everything and I can do anything and then I get overwhelmed by all the things I could do and the feeling that time is just slipping away.

I keep feeling the desire to return to school.  To me, going back almost feels like I am REALLY starting over.  School is a place I have always felt safe and enjoyed and it would help me to re-socialize myself and get back into society.  It would also allow me to upgrade my now-outdated skills.  I don’t like the thought of looking for work with outdated skills.  I feel inadequate for the positions that I want to work.  I also so desperately do not want to repeat the last 10-14 years of my life, jumping from crappy job to crappy job just feeling crappier and crappier about myself.  I have been to college a few times before but my old self wasn’t focused on the program(s) I took, I was looking for a distraction from life.  I lied to myself in trying to be someone I wasn’t and it has always blown up in my face.  Lesson learned.  Follow my heart and choose wisely.

I don’t know if I will pursue school or what I will end up doing really.  I don’t feel that I can make that decision today per se, but it is definitely something that is on my mind.

I think I hear my bed calling my name. It is time for me to rest my weary head and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

The Story of Marble


She came to us on a cold fall Sunday.  We found each other in a way.

My love and I were about to venture out to run some errands, grab some groceries, and visit some people but we had to check our oil in our van.  An oil leak that I was not financially able to repair at the time kept me checking the oil often.  I went back into the house to get something I had forgotten, when I came out the front door and slammed it shut I could hear meowing.  I think…?

I get back to the van and I asked my love “do you hear meowing?”.

I can’t remember wether he said he did or he didn’t because I had already started to look for the source.  Having a house full of cats already I originally thought perhaps someone got out and needed back in.  I followed the sound and kept calling “kitty kitty” fully expecting to find one of ours out there.  Then I saw her.  A tiny calico kitten sitting in between the deck and the pool, wet from the rain, meowing her little face off.  It was not one of ours.  “Crap” I thought.  I do not need a cat right now.

She looked so happy to see people I couldn’t just leave her out in the rain with nothing.  I ran into the house and mixed her up some kitty crunches and cream in a bowl and warmed it up a smidge in the microwave.  I brought it out to her and she was scared so I had to leave it under the deck for her.  As we walked away I could see her lapping up the cream from the bowl.

As we got into the van to leave I felt so bad for this little kitty.  It’s cold and it’s only going to get colder.  It’s raining and miserable out.  I assumed she was a little girl and immediately worried about her being out in the bush alone [there is a large wooded area behind my moms house].  In hindsight I should have grabbed her right then and there and brought her inside but I did not.  I thought it would be some huge deal if I brought yet another cat into the house (my sister re-homed cats and kittens for years and she has a few “leftovers” that she keeps around).

I did not see her when we got home only a few hours later and I worried she was already gone and I was too late.  I could not sleep that night.  I could hear the wind and the rain pelting at my window and my heart ached not knowing where that little kitty could be.

By the next morning I woke to a knock on my bedroom door.  I opened it and there was my sister holding the little kitten.  “Oh little baby!” I exclaimed out of excitement to see her.  She was so tiny and so afraid yet so happy.  She purred and purred.  We fed her, pet her, talked to her, I gave her a soft blankie to lay on.  I knew I wanted her but I tried to bury it.

The original plan was for my other sister to adopt this kitty because she thought she wanted another cat and she has a soft spot for Calicos.  She was supposed to come pick up the cat that week.  I secretly dreaded the day.  Then a week came and went, a month, and upon getting up to 3 months I decided I had to keep her.  I had become too attached and did not want to let her go.  As luck would have it my other sister decided she did not want another cat, I suppose her lack of coming to retrieve said cat was evidence of that all along.

So I got to keep her.  She went a while with no name because I did not want to name her assuming my other sister would do that.  The day we brought her in the house my sister [who caught her for me] suggested the names “Pearl” or “Marble”.  I liked both of these names and in the end took “Marble” because it seemed to suit her.  The name “Marble” was inspired by none other then Jenna Marbles.

She is now happy, healthy, and almost a year old.  She has given me a few scares, I spent more then one morning sitting in the vets office because she had this issue or that issue.  For a while there I was really worried about her but ever since she has gotten fixed she has been great.  She has previously had a few dizzy spells and my [new] vet told me that if she has ONE more to call them immediately because it could mean she is having seizures.  That really scares me but she hasn’t had one in months that I am aware of and since moving in particular she even seems happier.

She is such a little ham.  She cracks me up everyday.  She loves real tuna and sleeping under blankets.  She is still very tiny but she packs a lot of ‘tude in that tiny package.  I am so happy that I found her and that I kept her.  On days when I am literally alone she keeps me company.  She is the best nap partner.  When we first moved and I had a few days of “depression naps” she slept beside me every single time.

She is our baby and I look forward to many years with her.

Marble | March 26, 2017


I got Microbladed

My eyebrows have been an issue for me for a very long time.

I originated with very thick, slightly uneven brows.  When I was 13 the kids on the school bus called me “bushy eyebrow lady”.  I was not allowed to pluck until high school and my mom always warned me about over-plucking and getting stuck with half an eyebrow. It was the late 90’s and pencil-thin brows were all the rage, I really didn’t care about ye old legend of half-brow, I was desperate to pluck.  Oh how stupid I was…

Once I got a hold of a pair of tweezers it was pretty much game over.  I had NO KNOWLEDGE of eyebrow structure whatsoever.  I desperately wanted a high arch and the thinner the better seemed to be my motto.  I recall plucking them particularly terribly in 10th grade, I literally plucked myself a new arch and in doing so pretty much took off most of the tail end of both of my brows.  It looked HORRIBLE but I thought I had it GOIN’ ON!. Ugh. It almost makes me shudder.

Over the years I managed to do all the things you are not supposed to do whilst trying to shape a beautiful brow.  I tried with no avail to get them even – one brow always seemed higher then the other and this drove me INSANE.  I wanted them EVEN! This desire for evenness led me to pluck MORE.  I over plucked the inner AND outer areas and always seemed to have that “sperm” look.  So not hot.

In college I discovered I could “draw them on”.  AHA!  A solution to my problems.  Or so I thought.  Again, I still had no legitimate eyebrow knowledge, this was loooooong before the days of YouTube tutorials and what not.  I overdrew the inners, I overdrew the outers, and again thought I was rockin’ it.  Good grief no.

In my mid-20’s I finally gave up and ditched the tweezers for awhile.  Sick of looking at uneven eyebrows and hearing my mom yell “YOUR GONNA END UP WITH NO EYEBROWS!!!” I figured I had nothing to lose.  It took a good 2 years and a few tubes of Billion Dollar Brows (I don’t even know if that stuff worked but it gave me hope) to get some brows back.  By this time I had become so paranoid of over plucking that my eyebrows HAD actually become overgrown.  Going to Beauty School I learned about eyebrow mapping and proper structure.  My teacher actually told me one day that I could “use a pluck”.


That was all I needed.

Within a few weeks I was back to my super-thin brows only this time there was a little more evenness to them and nothing was too over or under plucked.  For a brief moment there my natural brows were looking pretty good.  I could add a little brow powder or gel and I was good to go.

And then I just kept plucking.

And plucking.  I could not just LEAVE THEM ALONE.

Before I knew it I was back in sparse-town.  Before I knew it I was buying and trying every brow powder, pencil, wax, and mascara on the market.  There was a wrinkle in time where I thought that penciling them on was just my lot in life.  I was just destined to have bad brows.  I became VERY good at filling them in.  For a good year I was obsessed with M.A.C.’s “quite natural” paint pot, with a good angled brush I could give myself brows I only dreamed of having.  Even my teachers in Beauty School would compliment me on how good my brows looked.

The paint pot had a good run but after a couple of years I was getting weary.  Filling in my eyebrows was not quite the fun beauty ritual it once was.  It was tedious and as good as I once was at doing them, after becoming lazy with it I began to lose my ability to beautify my brows.  Could have also been my complete loss in faith for the upper region of my face. I had begun to look back at my 13 year old eyebrows with sorrow.  I started with such a good base, my brows could have been great but I ruined them.  Not just once either.  Enough times over the course of almost 20 years that they were to the point of no return.

Ohmygawd. The legend of half-brow is TRUE.

For awhile I totally gave up on my eyebrows.  I stopped plucking but they weren’t growing back.  I didn’t want to fill them in.  I just wanted them to be naturally pretty but I had let it sink it that that would most likely never happen.

And then I heard about Microblading.  It sounded too good to be true.  It looked too good to be true.  What is this sorcercy? Natural looking semi-permanent brows? WHAAAAT?!?!?! Long before I ever found a Brow Artist or ever made an appointment, I made up my mind that this is what I needed. This is what I wanted.  SO BAD.

It took me another 2-3 years of research, scrolling before and after photos, and watching YT videos before I made the actual call.  Once I found an Eyebrow Artist that I was confident in I contacted her immediately.  I want to say it was May/June when I called.  I got a consultation for the end of July.  I was both super excited and a little disappointed.  Super excited to obviously address this problem but bummed that I had to wait over a month.  I wanted new brows, like, YESTERDAY.

Before I knew it July was here and it was consult day.  I was in and out in literally 10 minutes.  We talked about what I dislike about my brows (haha. EVERYTHING.), and what the procedure entails.  I put down $100.00 and scheduled my first Microblading appointment.  Then I found out I’d be waiting until the end of October.  Again, I was bummed but I wanted this particular Artist to do my brows, her work is stunning and I figured I’ve waited almost 2 decades, what’s another 2 (errr 3-ish…) months?

I almost literally counted the days since July.  It was like knowing Christmas is coming when your a kid only 100X MORE EXCITING.  Again, before I knew it October was here and it was *BROW DAY* YaY!!!

It has been almost one week since I had the Microblading done and I LOVE IT.  It was totally worth the wait… and the itchiness that I am dealing with at the moment.  I’m not going to go into detail about the procedure itself, there is a ton of info about that if you search for it.  I will tell you that the numbing cream works for the most part.  For most of the procedure I could not feel a thing aside from her pulling on my face a bit. There was some spots in my arch that must not have taken to the numbing cream because it HURT. A LOT.  Luckily it was only for a few strokes on each side but oh my.  I could feel a tear coming to my eye.

Once finished she handed me a mirror.  I looked at myself and immediately felt on top of the world.  I HAVE EYEBROWS! AND THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL! I was assured that they would look even better when healed and after my touch up appointment but even so, I am BLOWN AWAY.  I (now) know how important eyebrows are in terms of framing one’s face but seeing it, WOW.  I feel so much better about myself.  What a difference.  I will never go back to those bad brows EVER.

I cannot say enough good things about this experience.  I can’t wait to go forth with my beautiful brows.  I feel pretty and more confident.  I don’t feel like people are looking at my uneven, barley there eyebrows.  They are looking at me (and my beautiful eyebrows).

My only advice aside from PUT THE TWEEZERS DOWN is to do your research (if Microblading is something that interests you).  Find a reputable Artist whom you trust with your face.  Also, start saving.  Prices vary by location but regardless this is not cheap (nor should it be).

Be prepared to not wash your face/ get your eyebrows wet for 24 hours – 5 days, don’t sleep on or touch them, and the itching, oh lawd the itching.  The desire to scratch is real my friends. Not unbearable. But real.

Below are my before and after pictures that I took myself.  The before photos are from the day before I had the procedure done (October 25, 2016), and the after photos are from 1 hour following the procedure (October 26, 2016).

COMING SOON : Days 1 – 7 blogs & vlogs.



October 25, 2016 – BEFORE BROWS
Left Brow
Right Brow
October 26, 2016 – AFTER
Left Brow AFTER
Right Brow AFTER
Before & After
Left Brow before & after

The Magic of Bio Oil


A couple of months ago I purchased some Bio-Oil.  I bought it in the hopes of reducing a nostril piercing scar.  My hopes were high, as always, though in the back of my mind I did not really expect much.

Before and even after purchasing Bio-Oil I did a fair amount of research.  Again, I was mostly interested in what it could do for scarring.  I came upon a lot of anti-aging information and skin benefits but really thought nothing of it.  I just wanted to make this scar look a little less noticeable, to me at least, I’m sure nobody else even really notices it.

I bought the smallest bottle of it that I could find at Shoppers, not wanting to spend extra money on something I may potentially not even really use.  How ironic.  I started applying Bio-oil only to my piercing scar(s) as soon as I got home.  Later, I read the pamphlet in a little more detail.  It stated that one should use the product for a minimal of 3 months to see results.  This lowered my I-want-to-see-it-now happy high I was on.  Three months?!?  Ugh.  It seemed like SO LONG.

Unlike me, I persisted to use Bio-Oil and even began rubbing it into more skin on my face. I read that it is good for uneven skin tone, aging, and dehydrated skin (actually, it says that right on the box!).  So I figured why not try to make my whole face look better and not just my piercing scars.  Even though it is an oil it soaked into my skin and didn’t leave an oily sheen all over my mug.  It’s kind of nice and a little fun to rub it into my skin, it leaves my face feeling SO GOOD.

I got sick recently and umpteen nose-blows later my skin was so dry my poor nostrils were peeling like they were sunburnt.  This encouraged me to up my Bio-Oil game, applying it in hoards pretty much every time I could remember.  Upon feeling better I could not help but notice that my skin looks AMAZING.

Not only is my piercing scar less noticeable but I feel like my pores are less noticeable, my skin tone is not so patchy and my acne scars are fading.  I am hooked.  I never thought that an OIL would be part of my everyday regime.  As someone who suffered from severe acne and needed a 6+ month round of Accutane in my early 20’s to get rid of it, I am not usually keen on rubbing an oily substance into my face.  Bio-Oil has very pleasantly surprised me. It has not made me break out once (knock on wood…).  I have even started using it on my neck, chest, legs, hands, and feet.

It has been a little over 3 months and I can see a difference.  Forget the small bottle, I’m going in for the biggest one I can get my hands on next time.


I would rate this product a solid 5 out of 5 lipsticks for EVERYTHING.  It feels really good and it WORKS! It does seem a tad pricey (to me) *BUT* a little goes a long way so I feel I am getting my moneys worth.

5 out of 5 lipsticks_iDiV

Please keep in mind that this is my personal review/opinion of Bio-Oil.  I am not telling you that you should or should not use it.  That is up to you to decide.

Also, my apologies I have no photo proof of my alleged change in my skin.  I honestly did not think this stuff was going to work for me at first and never thought to take a few photos.

I purchased this product for myself from Shoppers Drug Mart.  Oh how I loves Shoppers… and now Bio Oil 😉


I have loved putting together outfits since as long as I can remember.  Even in Kindergarten I longed to be in control of my wardrobe.  I still remember some of the outfits my mom used to make me wear – the good, the bad, and the ugly.  We just don’t share the same taste in all facets of fashion.

In High School I spent my spares in the library mulling over any fashion magazine I could find.  Drinking in the style.  I would then sketch out outfits in my sketchbook, wether I had the item in my closet or not, if I had a cool outfit idea I had to sketch it out.  I was overjoyed when we learned a little bit of pattern making in 9th grade Home Ec. I was tickled pink to make my first pair of pants – a forest green pair of wide-leg track pants with an elastic waist (it was the late 90’s and I was having a “wide-leg” phase).  I learned to crochet too, creating scarves and accessories for myself.  I haven’t sewn any wear-ables in ages but I continue to crochet from time to time.

In College I took Art & Design as well as Makeup Artistry courses.  Though I enjoyed these programs and I was and am able to apply much of what I have learned to fashion it wasn’t my passion.  I had originally wanted to attend Ryerson University in Toronto for Fashion Design.  By the time it was time for me to go to College I could not fathom moving out as my anxiety had begun to take hold.  I don’t really regret it as I know myself and myself just couldn’t do it.  Perhaps I should have made myself try anyways but whatever, it is what it is.  I have found something that both brings me the joy and feeling of passion I have been searching for AS WELL AS helping me to keep my mind busy and off of the million and one anxious thoughts that swirl in my brain.


When I am picking out outfits, planning videos, filming, and editing I feel good.  I can get lost in it and the hours fly by.  I feel content.  It makes me feel good about myself.  I don’t worry or overthink anything, I just do what my creative self feels like and it is fantastic.  I make videos out of the pure enjoyment of filming and editing and I don’t do it for anyone else but myself.  Yes, I share them to YouTube but inevitably I am doing them for me.  If you happen to watch and like them then that is an added BONUS :D.

I feel proud of myself when I see what I have created.  And I love knowing that one day, when I am not here, my videos will be, or that in 10, 20, 30+ years I can look back at myself “in living colour” and remember that fragment of time.  A fragment of time where I am just lost in the moment of doing what I love.  I am not sad, depressed, anxious, or angry.  I am happy, content, and ambitious.

I plan to continue filming and blogging because it makes me feel like the person I want to be.  For those who read, watch, follow, and subscribe I thank you SO MUCH for sharing an interest in me and my journey.  I appreciate your support more then you will ever know.


CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL. The link will open in a new window or tab for your viewing pleasure.

I don’t really know why I continue to be drawn to the YouTube community.  Every time I try to stop or I think I am absolutely, 110% done with it I end up picking up my camera again.  Every time I pick up that camera from the moment I turn it on I am engaged and focused on something that I love.

I love filming.  I love editing.  I love learning about filming and editing.  I love learning new things.  I love music and being able to put music in my videos.  It is fun and it brings back a feeling I had forgot I could have.


I know I probably recently stated that I was done (or near done) with YouTube.  It keeps relapsing.  I just can’t help myself.  I love to put together and film outfits.  No matter how good or bad they may be (I like them but I know not everybody likes the same thing).  I just enjoy it, it’s fun, and it takes my mind somewhere else when I am engaged in it.

This footage was actually filmed & photographed in late May/early June but I became very critical of myself.  I stumbled upon it last week when I ironically decided to film some outfits.  Perhaps it was looking at it with fresh eyes or perhaps it is part of my new and growing positive attitude (thank you therapy! lol).  I don’t know why I thought this footage was so bad.  It’s not perfect, hec I don’t even know if I like those pants or not but I wanted to make something of it anyways.

So here I am, making a blog to correspond with the video.  Please enjoy as I have so enjoyed putting it together.  All links open in a new window or tab.



Stripey Pants 3
THE PANTS : H & M, striped harem, with POCKETS!!!  Given to me by my sister.
Striped Pants 2
TANK TOP : Basic black tank, purchased from Urban Planet. I cannot find this exact top but you can browse the site here : TAKE ME TO URBAN PLANET
FLIP FLOPS : Purchased from Old Navy. Find them here : TAKE ME TO THE FLIP FLOPS
Striped Pants 1
THE BIKINI TOP : “Marilyn” enhancer halter in brown, purchased from *This colour seems to unavailable but you can shop 14 other colours here : TAKE ME TO THE TOPS
Striped Pants 4
To watch my video on YouTube click here : TAKE ME TO THE VIDEO


“If I could do something
Well you can do something,
If I could do anything
Well can you do something out of this world?

Take a dream on a Sunday
Take a life, take a holiday
Take a lie, take a dreamer
dream, dream, dream, dream, dream along”

~ Supertramp | “Dreamer”

August 2016 | iDREAMinVINTAGE