Best Bag #WorldFamous #newfave

I have been searching for one of these bags for YEARS!

I had one like it when I was in 9th grade (circa 1999), that I bought with my Dad at an Army Surplus store in Toronto.  Over a decade and a few moves and too many “wardrobe makeovers” to count later and I have no idea what ever happened to my original canvas messenger bag.

This one I found recently online and literally could not order it fast enough :

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My “World Famous” Canvas Messenger Bag.

It is UNBELIEVABLY AFFORDABLE at $12.99 CDN and comes in 4 awesome shades! I purchased mine from GorillaSurplus.com in the shade “khaki”, which is actually more of a yellow – which I like  – I swear my mom had one JUST LIKE THIS back in the 80’s.  It is also available in black, light blue, and army green – I LOVE THEM ALL.  I WANT THEM ALL.

This bag is made from tear resistant canvas, has an adjustable, removable shoulder strap, and heavy duty metal tips and loops.  It is very lightweight and holds everything I need.  The biggest CON I have found [for me] with this bag is that there are no extra pockets.  Well, its a bit of a PRO and a CON actually.  I love the simplicity of just one compartment that is only large enough for me to carry my essentials but at the same time I hate that there isn’t just one inside pocket for my keys or tampons or whatever.  I have improvised with a small makeup bag for all the little bits I don’t need cluttering up my bag.

I like that this bag is small enough to make me carry less but large enough to carry more then I need.  It is strong enough for me to carry cans of Nestea iced tea in there, though that is really starting to weigh on my shoulder(s). Pun intended.

It makes me smile because it is almost the exact same bag as I had in high school.  The one I had in high school wasn’t a World Famous bag though and it cost less.  About $8 CDN at the time.  I am not complaining by any means, for $12.99 I can actually afford to buy another one (if I feel the need… I do like the black – it matches everything!).  And being canvas it is easy to clean should I spill anything in there… I spilled Ranch Dressing in a purse once.  Very unpleasant.  And in a not-easy-to-clean Purse either.

I love this bag SO MUCH I don’t want most of my other purses.  They are not-so-functional for my life.  Unsure if I want the clutter of a crap-ton of purses I don’t need, I am considering selling some online.  Key word here is CONSIDERING.  I am sure I will blog about it if I decide that selling purses is a route that I actually take.  I could use the money to put towards applying for school and my poor, once-loved bags can once again be used and enjoyed… Just a thought.  I feel kind of bad for the little buggers, just sitting in the attic in their Rubbermaid containers.

I like to walk around town, wether I am shopping, taking photos (with my phone), or playing tourist in the historical district, this bag has been a comfortable and functional companion.  Admittedly the front loops can be a little fiddly to work with but again, this is both a PRO and a CON.  At least I know my stuff won’t fall out nor should I fall victim to  any pick-pocketing/pursing.  And as fiddly as the loops can be it sure beats farting around with a stubborn zipper, especially whilst one is checking out and needs to fetch one’s wallet… Yep, been there, done that.

All in all an excellent buy.  I am a very happy and satisfied customer and I will most likely purchase from Gorilla Surplus again. I would rate this bag a solid 5 lipsticks out of 5 for quality, price point, quick shipping and making me smile.

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Now.  The Sun is trying to emerge and I am in need of Chocolate.  I bid you adieu.

Happy Friday my friends!

Stay GRooVY 🙂

 

A New and Different Beginning

For the first time in my life I feel as though I might actually be on the right track.  It has taken me a lot of time, therapy, tears, and frustration to get to this point.  I am starting over and it’s ok.  This time it will be different.

The more I proceed with my EMDR Therapy the more put-together I am feeling.  It is slow and sometimes I only feel put-together for a few hours or days before I am back to feeling all over the place but regardless, the feeling is there.  And it is a wonderful feeling.

When I am in this put-together state of mind I am easily able to do things and make decisions, I get excited about my future and I cannot wait to pursue it.  This is what is so new and different for me.  I have never really given the future much thought in the past, I just kind of acted on impulse, even at times when I thought that I wasn’t, I was.  For the first time, possibly ever, I am thinking about my future, who I want to be, and how to get there – and in a positive light no less.  I am so used to looking at everything with such a negative spin that to think and see my future in a positive way is so very refreshing, relieving, and new.

I know this feeling may not/will not last long.  I always hope it does and still I am always surprised to find myself back in a depressed and negative state of mind.  One day the positive me will stay [I am assured almost EVERY Therapy session] and my negative self will not be so prevalent.  I look forward to that day SO MUCH.  It’s part of what keeps me in therapy.  The other part is fear of becoming a very bitter and lonely person.  I was starting to go that way and let me tell you, it is NOT FUN.  For a long time I felt that I wanted to be alone and that I deserved to be bitter.  I had long accepted that this was to be my lot in life, to get more angry and sad as years went by.  I am happy to say that at 33 I am just realizing that it is NOT my lot in life to be alone, sad, bitter, and angry.  Not only is it not a good look on anybody, but it is a horribly miserable world to live in.  It is one full of self-loathing and destruction.

It has taken me my entire life to get here, to a place I did not even know could exist.  A place full of self-love, self-trust, happiness, safety, and positive self-reassurance.  I can almost taste the freedom of my new self, a self I never even knew I had.

I finally feel as though I am blooming, my new life is starting as it has gotten all too painful to remain closed tightly in a bud.  A bud that was created to keep me safe in times when I was so very unsafe, a bud that I thought I needed around me in order to avoid more heartbreak.  A bud that I am starting to no longer need or want.  That my friends is something so special, so new, so different then all the other times I thought I was on my way to mental-wellness.

Therapeutic Blog Dribble

I feel that I have made my decision.

I will return to school.

Hopefully this coming September… I am now taking some time to weigh my choices and options and what the BEST choice and option is for ME to take.

I feel that this is a step in the right direction.  I need routine and reason back in my life and school would give me both of those things.  I need goals to work towards and I need to stay somewhat busy or [I find] I get bored and then begin to overthink everything and anything until I make myself crazy.  Though I am excited about the prospect of continuing my education I am trying not to overthink it.  I had to remind myself repeated times today that I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, it’s up to me to provide the life that I want for myself and my family.  I need to stop worrying if I can and just try.  I am fearful of being the oldest person in my classes, lucky for me I look younger then my 33 years but still, I will know that I am older then most of my peers.

I want to be busy again and to feel that I have a purpose, that I am working towards something.  I want to take no more then 3 years to obtain a [new] College Diploma and I wish to find gainful employment before I am 40.  That gives me a little less then 10 years to put myself there.  I miss having control over my life and I wish to gain it back ten fold. I want control over my house, my car, my life, my bank account, my FUTURE.

I can almost pin point now where I fell off the happy wagon and onto the depressed train to breakdown town.  It was a year and a half into my first College Program, I want to say it was 2004.  My interest in my courses – and life for that matter- began to fizzle.  It all fizzled away to a point where I did not care.  By the Fall of ’04 I just quit.  I stopped going to school.  I stopped caring about myself.  I became very depressed.  I stopped socializing and started isolating.

I tried to bust out of it in 2007, going back to school for Dental Administration. Again, I craved the routine of school and the hope of a new and better career.  It worked well in the sense of getting me back out in the world and back to a positive routine.  It backfired in the end though because I really hated that Program and I knew I hated it from the first month.  Instead of choosing something else I was determined to finish what I started.  After I finished I felt very deflated and disappointed.  School had failed me and I had failed myself.  I became very discouraged with education after this time.  I was also discouraged and distrusting of myself.  I felt as though I had made a bad decision and wasted time and money on a Program that I have no use for.  I loathed Dental Administration so much.  I thought it would help me be less terrified of the Dentist.  It did not.  Now I know too much.

So now, another decade later and I have not stopped thinking about going back and I have decided it would be a good idea to try.  I feel I have nothing to lose, I just need to choose wisely.  I need to be smart in which program I decide to give my time and money to because I want to come out of it happy to search for a job in my field.  I realize I may not find a job right away and that is ok too, at least I will have upgraded my education and will be ready or more equipped to work.

In hindsight I wish I would have just started up another Program the September following my completion of Dental Admin.  I wish I would have just kept going until I found something that I could do/liked more then Dental.  I spent many years skeptical of College and now I feel like it is my only answer.  Without it I am destined to work another slew of low-skill level jobs that I will never be happy in. I know “they” say “people are never happy in their job” but I still REFUSE to let that allow me to be miserable in my job.  I don’t want to panic anymore about work.  I don’t want to throw up before every shift.  I don’t want to be stuck in another toxic job.  There is more to life then a horribly toxic job that sucks your soul out and never pays enough.

So, hopefully, here is to the new chapter of my life.  May the force be with me and may I make the right call in my Program selection.

Life isn’t going to change itself … (A note to self)

I woke up this morning and as I sat on the porcelain throne I began to recall a dream I must have been having sometime in the night.  I could see myself in a white coat, working in a pharmacy.  I could see myself counting out pills and working around the ever-so-prestigious pharmacy counter.

Almost immediately-as in before I had even gotten off the aforementioned “throne” I realized that maybe this is an obtainable and logical goal for me.  Scary, new, and unknown, but I feel like it could be just what I need.  It would allow me to continue my education, pursue a career in healthcare, and get back out into the world in a safe, comfortable environment (School).

Looking at the admission requirements I realize I will need to upgrade my science courses.  Luckily, I can easily do this at the same college that I plan to attend for the Pharmacy Technician program.  The downside is that it will add another year until I would be graduating and actively looking for a job, bringing the total to 3 years.  Not bad.  Not great.  But when I think to myself that I could be and am trying to equip myself with skills that will carry me through the next decade and beyond, 3 years seems like a small chunk of time.

This is something that I will need to think about a lot more.  I need to weigh the pros and cons.  I need to truly ask myself if this is what I want to pursue.  I don’t want to waste too much time thinking about it though because life is not going to change itself and I want a change.

I want to be able to live independently (without parents and/or social assistance), I want to have job security, and I want to do more then an entry level job.  The more I think about it the more it makes sense to me.  I need to make sure that this isn’t just a “today” decision.  I will need to weigh my options and at least sleep on it a few times before I make my final decision.

If in 2 weeks I still feel the same way I will apply for Pre-Health Sciences and see what happens.  There are a few other cards that need to fall into place in between now and potentially starting in September but if I never start the ball rolling it will never get anywhere.  I have said it before and I will say it again – I do not want to spend any part of my future living how I have in the past.  I am realizing that if I want certain things in life I need to make them happen for myself.

In the end I want a place that we can call our own, my love and I.  I want to be able to choose my next car and be able to afford it (nothing fancy by any means but a reliable, decent car that I ENJOY).  I want a job I don’t hate.  I may dislike aspects of my future “goal job” but at the end of the day I feel that it would not suck my soul like oh-so-many of my General-Labour-type jobs have.  I don’t want to be an uneducated-general-skills-thirty-something wanting it all and having nothing.

It will be a tremendous amount of work and will take discipline, excellent time management and has the potential to rob me of many hours of sleep.  But… But if I can look back in 10 years and breathe a sigh of relief that I did it [try] as oppose to a cry of regret because I was too afraid [to try], it will be worth the work, the exhaustion and the hours I will spend studying.

So that’s that.  I put it into words.  I did not want to forget this.  I don’t want to forget this day of minor-ephiphanie I feel that I have had.  The realization that I can and just may return to school to pursue a better life has made me feel brighter all day.  Like there is a silver lining for me, that maybe, just maybe, if I put my efforts in the right direction I could MAYBE get where I want to be.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

My New Addiction | #QuobyORLY #BreathableNailColor

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Quo by Orly BREATHABLE Nail Color in 3 Spring-alicious shades.
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Happy & Healthy, The Antidote, Beauty Essential

I first started purchasing these nail colours a few weeks ago.  It looked like a new line of Orly polishes so colour-me-happy I bought 2 right off the hop.  Tried ’em, loved ’em, and now I can’t get enough of ’em!

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The 2 that started it all… | Happy & Healthy + Beauty Essential

This polish is a treatment+color as well as the base and top coats.  It’s a one stop shop.  One bottle, 2 coats, your done.  This polish dries fast and has an excellent pigment payoff especially after 2 coats.  It also has excellent wear value.  It does not chip off as easily as other brands (*cough* Essie), I am finding I can go days before noticing a chip.  My nails look pretty farting good all week.

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Grey + Pink | Quo by Orly “Happy & Healthy”

Their colour ranges from clear, baby pink, and mint green to dark purple and a wicked red.  I want them all and I am slowly working on my collection.  I pick one new one up on my weekly Shoppers Drug Mart trips.  It’s a little pick-me-up for getting out of the house and getting errands done.  I might buy the red one next.  I feel like it would look so fab on my toes!

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Dark Purple + Light Pink + Spring Coral = my new FAVES

The formula is smooth with a perfectly sculpted brush for applying professional looking self-manis and pedis.  Easily lasts 7 days with minimal chipping.  Addicting.  Now that I have started to use this line it is the only one I want to use.

My nails these days are hard for me to grow.  They are brittle and break making it hard for me to ultimately shape them the way I like.  Since I started using the Breathable line [4-6 weeks ago], my nails grew out happy and healthy – just as the name suggests! They feel stronger and I have managed to grow them longer then I have in months.  I have actually had to cut them down because they were getting too long for my personal comfort.  Even in trimming I was able to trim my nails nicely instead of taking them down too far because it cut weird on a brittle, dry, nail.  They are not too short and looking much better then this time 6 weeks ago.  Literally the only polish I want to wear on my fingers and toes this Spring and Summer Season! I cannot wait to buy AND TRY (!) the next addition to my colour collection.

Solid 10/10 for this Quo+Orly collaboration.  I have always enjoyed Orly Nail Polish and this line does not disappoint.  I am literally excited to go out tomorrow (Saturday) morning to get me another shade.  It’s a little thing but it’s a happy thing in my little world.

I may not be able to change my past or lift myself out of the depressive potholes I keep falling into but I can change my nails.  It makes me happy to see a pretty colour on my nails [especially if I can GROW them!].  There have been times in the recent weeks I would just be lying in bed staring into space, zoning out into the wonderful world of “what ifs”, questioning everything, and I look at my new pretty nails that I did myself and it zaps me back to a happier thought.  There are days when I may not even wash my face, let alone shower, but I will make time to paint my nails (not everyday, just some days).  It is a small gesture of self care to myself and for whatever reason, it helps.

It’s a little pizzaz in my otherwise pizzaz-less outfit of track pants & my love’s sweatshirt. I would rate this line of nail polish a 4 out of 5 lipsticks for a great formula, being a 3-in-one, and because I am indeed addicted to buying them.  It loses a lipstick, ironically, for it’s price point.  It retails for about $10.99 CDN (when not on sale) and that just saddens me.  I know that “higher-end” polish does indeed go for more then $10 a bottle but I personally prefer to pay LESS then $10 for one bottle of polish, especially at a drugstore.

4 lipsticks out of 5_iDiV2

So now we wait. For tomorrow we will have a new colour to apply to keep me reverting to happy thoughts all week.  Until then take care and thank you for reading about how much I enjoy this new nail polish.

 

I need a new look

Ahh April.  It’s a new month, we are in a new season, and I am living in a new space.  The sun is out today and I feel like I could use a pick-me-up.

I want to walk to a hair place that is close by and get something fresh done with my ‘do.  I have been noticing that I seem to always gravitate toward this same look.  Blonde on top, Black or whatever on the bottom, and a super-fried shag.  I loved this look 10 years ago, hec probably MORE then 10 years ago now, and I am ready for a change.  Ever since I added Violet aka Blackish-Blueish-kinda-not-so-violet to my hair [a few weeks ago] I have been HATING IT. I got my mom [an ex-stylist] to trim some of my shaggy layers thinking that would help.  It didn’t.  The top looks and feels pretty good but my bottom 2-4 inches is just nasty.  It is so broken and fried that you can almost see through it.  That is NOT HOT.

I have saved oodles of pictures to my phone for months now of haircuts that I like.  Their all mostly the same type of cut so clearly I like it but I am afraid I will hate it on me.  As much as I want to update my look I am so afraid to do it.  I worry I will hate it more if I cut it but at the same time I am hating it now so what do I have to lose?  I hate washing it these days, I HATE styling it – I just threw away my blow-drying brush and I am just about ready to chuck my straightener.  I love a good blow out but I just keep failing doing mine.  I am hating the straightener.  Straight hair was so 10-15 years ago, I am sick of seeing it on myself.  I look the same, pretty much, as I did in 2010 (hair wise).  I chopped it all off a la pixie in 2014 and loved it for all of 2 seconds.  I cried for months but I did it because I was SUPPOSED TO grow it back au natural.  That did not happen and here I am, crispy, fried, over-dyed and frizzy.  As usual.

I am mad at myself for not doing what I originally set out to do which was grow out my natural hair and start over.  I am also embarrassed that I don’t seem to have the willpower to not dye my hair.  I know I need to stop colouring it again and I want to stop.  At least stop anything that isn’t highlights or a nice blonde.  I like highlights and I like certain shades of blonde [on me].

I realize also that the reason that I have continued to dye and fry my hair is due to therapy and my mental health journey.  Anytime anything happens I feel the need to dye my hair.  It needs to stop.

I don’t feel pretty or fab in anyway lately with my hair.  It is not complimenting my face or skin.  I don’t want to spend an hour or 2 styling it anymore.  I used to enjoy spending hours frilling with my hair.  I have more important things I wish to use my time on.  So, since I don’t trust myself to do anymore DIY hair stuff and I could use a pick-me-up I am trying to convince myself that I CAN and SHOULD go get my hair done.  I have only had it done in a salon environment 3x in my life.  I can’t afford colour which is fine right now but I am pretty sure I can afford a trim/new style.

Will I do it? I do not know.  I want to but I may need to sit here and encourage myself for a few more hours.

I hate my hair and I need some new hair but I am too afraid to go and ask for what I want.  Let’s see where this potentially takes us.

I like Cute Socks and I cannot lie

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These socks are so cute, I love ’em!

I took this photo the other day and I posted it to Instagram and I got so much awesome feedback! I mean, I thought this was a fab look but I had no idea so many people would agree with me *YaY Me*. Anyways, I just wanted to share this picture because I do love it, everything about it.

I got those cute socks at Target when it was in Canada.  Damn do I miss Target. SO MUCH.  I know I could hop online or cross the river (the Niagara/NY border is not far from me at all), but it just is not the same as wondering the store.  Especially with a lovely Starbucks bevvie in hand. Oh lawdy how I loved those trips.  By myself more often then not.  It’s okay, I didn’t mind.  It gave me time to think and a place to go to get out of the house.

Those flats look cute but are not so comfy.  I remember buying them in preparation for a job interview that I got myself last summer.  They were on sale at Payless for $13, I wanted some black flats, they were cheap, I bought them… I got what I paid for.  I need to invest in a better pair because flats are one of my favourite foot fashion staples.  I never did wear these to the interview that they were purchased for, I opted for a more professional shoe and ultimately did not get the job … not because of my shoes… I would hope.  I never did find out why I didn’t get the job either but it still pains me to think about it because I really wanted it.  I will admit that mentally I was and am still not ready to work but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it.  I try sometimes just to see what will happen. Who knows? Could be my next nightmare, could also be my future calling.

The cuffed up denim I have on are a pair of Old Navy jeans that my mother-in-law gave to me.  Oddly enough we are almost the exact same size (which would be small to very small), and these jeans fit me perfectly.  I like to cuff ’em for that vintage rock & roll vibe.

I feel the need to go thrifting.  I keep promising myself I will go as the town I am in has at least 2 if not 3 that I can walk to.  With the weather being so dreary I have been hesitant to go anywhere this week.  I need some thrift-spiration.  I also need to clean out my clothes BIG TIME.  Since we have moved I am realizing how little I wear… let me re-phrase that… I am realizing how much of my clothes I don’t seem to care to wear anymore.  I am playing with the idea of putting some stuff up on eBay or Etsy but until I can actually get to more of my clothes (and purses!) to see what there is and how much there is (or is not), I will just wait, and continue to think about it.