My brain is tired. I can’t focus. I almost can’t even think.
I have been TRYING all day to streamline my 2 google accounts to one. I have been trying to synchronize and change my contact email from my personal to a business account. It is not going well. But it could be worse.
I do not want 2 google accounts. The first one I created way back when I had no idea what I was doing. I had no concept or idea of branding really and now that I do I am so frustrated that I am unable to change some things and/or I do not understand how to or what I am even trying to do at times.
Ugh. For now I think I am stuck working between 2 accounts. I am afraid of having an “accident” and losing all my YouTube stuff. I have thought about starting over. I am still thinking of starting over but I don’t want to lose my screen name or come up with a new one. Unless of course something clever just comes to me…. You never know. Could happen.
Google is making me crazy. All I want to do is change my main email address. Why WHY must it be so hard. All day. I have spent ALL DAY working on this and I think I am done. I may have even effed up my adsense account along the way. Good grief. I need to stop thinking about this conundrum.
I feel like I am trying to get somewhere and I am getting nowhere. I am going nowhere. Except in circles. I am going in circles.
Perhaps after I sleep on it I will be able to think with a clearer mind.
I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. I both dread it and look forward to it all at the same time. I look forward to getting out of the house and having some me-time but I hate that I have to spend it talking about my problems and my younger-jaded-selves. I hate that I have to worry about parking every time I am there. City parking is a nightmare and costs an arm and a leg for a measly hour or 2.
My mind is everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.
I hate the night before therapy days. I always feel slightly all-over-the-place. I want to go but I don’t want to go, I want to be finished, I want to be whole and happy and back to me again. I had no idea it would take this long and I wonder if I will ever find me again. Sometimes I feel like she is there and other times I feel like she is no longer me, and I am no longer her. The days I can feel her are the better days. The days that I feel as if I am no longer her are the days I feel the loneliest and the darkest.
I feel like a shell.
I feel like I am invisible.
I feel as though I might just take an adivan and go to bed.
Goodnight, always hoping for a good morning.