Today was an extremely dull, grey, and cold day. It looked like it could rain almost all day save for that 5 minutes the sun tried to peek out.
I woke up around 9am this morning and shortly after feeding Marble her Tuna I went back to bed and slept until after 11am. I try not to make a habit out of going back to bed like that but I could tell by the weather this morning that it was going to be a boring day. Everybody else was still sleeping, even the cat.
Eventually Joel and I got up and I made myself a delish McCafe coffee in the fancy-shmancy Tassimo (LOVE that thing!). I think I actually had 2 coffees today in attempt to stay awake which is risky. Sometimes too much caffeine is not kind to me, it makes me too edgy which can lead me to anxiety. That happened the other day so yesterday I tried to steer clear of coffee all day. So far so good today…. Oh wait. I lied. I felt a little funky earlier this evening and I took an ativan just to be safe. So far, since moving, I have been lucky to escape any [major] panic or anxiety attacks. I have had a few [minor] episodes, there have been a few nights that I could not stop crying, and I have thrown up once but all in all it has not been the nightmare I originally thought it was going to be [mentally].
I can’t believe that May 1st marks 2 months of being moved out of my mom’s house. It feels good. I am having more good days then bad (lately anyways). Since my therapy appointment this week I have been feeling pretty good too so that’s a plus. I usually feel pretty good after therapy but usually by the time I go back in 2 weeks I am falling apart again.
Oh my manta – how could I forget the most exciting thing I have done all day?!
I – in theory – applied for school tonite. I still have to pay for my application to be submitted but I filled out my info and I have it all ready to go. I might have to wait until payday but at least it is done and ready. I am applying for 2 different programs because after some thought and consideration I am torn between 2. Both are 2 year programs, one with the option to do a 3rd year and obtain a diploma or certificate in Public Relations ( I can’t remember which). I am leaning towards the program that will allow me to come back for PR even though that adds another year bringing the total to 3 years of school. I feel like I like the job prospects better then the other program I first thought I was interested in. I still need to overthink it for a week until I get paid but whatcanyoudo?
Joel and I have been going on nightly walks to 7Eleven lately. We went last night around midnight and bought one Pepsi slushy to share. It was a chilly walk but I enjoyed it and I really wanted a Pepsi slush. I felt not-so-hot last night and I think it could have been mild indigestion or heartburn or just me being over paranoid about feeling sick, I am not really sure, but I knew I needed a Pepsi slush. I crawled right into bed and under the heating blanket. A few nights before last we went to 7Eleven around the same time for a Dr. Pepper Slush and a few Taquitos that we shared on the walk home. I so enjoy these little walks. We have been walking a lot and I feel like it helps me to feel better. We probably aren’t going tonite because it is cold and we have spent enough money on snacks and slushies this week.
I have been trying to wash my hair less. It is getting long again and I am starting to hate washing it. It turns into such a chore. Tonite was wash-nite. It is the second wash night now that I did NOT use my blow dryer, I am letting my hair dry naturally, something I usually avoid doing. I avoid it for 2 reasons: I hate wet hair on the back of my neck and I like to style my fringe area a certain way. I am trying to just deal with the wet hair and I am creatively using clips to make my fringe dry the right way.
I am getting tired. It almost midnight now. I also feel snacky. Oh and I meant to make a cup of tea when I started this. Oh well. Perhaps one more cigarette and then off to bed for me. I am really hoping for some sunshine tomorrow and a nice, long, walk. Oh and I want to go to Shoppers Drug Mart because there is a perfume I might want on sale for $19.99.
Ok I am starting to babble.
Welcome to my Journal.
Let’s see what the next chapter of life has in store for me.