I woke up this morning and as I sat on the porcelain throne I began to recall a dream I must have been having sometime in the night. I could see myself in a white coat, working in a pharmacy. I could see myself counting out pills and working around the ever-so-prestigious pharmacy counter.
Almost immediately-as in before I had even gotten off the aforementioned “throne” I realized that maybe this is an obtainable and logical goal for me. Scary, new, and unknown, but I feel like it could be just what I need. It would allow me to continue my education, pursue a career in healthcare, and get back out into the world in a safe, comfortable environment (School).
Looking at the admission requirements I realize I will need to upgrade my science courses. Luckily, I can easily do this at the same college that I plan to attend for the Pharmacy Technician program. The downside is that it will add another year until I would be graduating and actively looking for a job, bringing the total to 3 years. Not bad. Not great. But when I think to myself that I could be and am trying to equip myself with skills that will carry me through the next decade and beyond, 3 years seems like a small chunk of time.
This is something that I will need to think about a lot more. I need to weigh the pros and cons. I need to truly ask myself if this is what I want to pursue. I don’t want to waste too much time thinking about it though because life is not going to change itself and I want a change.
I want to be able to live independently (without parents and/or social assistance), I want to have job security, and I want to do more then an entry level job. The more I think about it the more it makes sense to me. I need to make sure that this isn’t just a “today” decision. I will need to weigh my options and at least sleep on it a few times before I make my final decision.
If in 2 weeks I still feel the same way I will apply for Pre-Health Sciences and see what happens. There are a few other cards that need to fall into place in between now and potentially starting in September but if I never start the ball rolling it will never get anywhere. I have said it before and I will say it again – I do not want to spend any part of my future living how I have in the past. I am realizing that if I want certain things in life I need to make them happen for myself.
In the end I want a place that we can call our own, my love and I. I want to be able to choose my next car and be able to afford it (nothing fancy by any means but a reliable, decent car that I ENJOY). I want a job I don’t hate. I may dislike aspects of my future “goal job” but at the end of the day I feel that it would not suck my soul like oh-so-many of my General-Labour-type jobs have. I don’t want to be an uneducated-general-skills-thirty-something wanting it all and having nothing.
It will be a tremendous amount of work and will take discipline, excellent time management and has the potential to rob me of many hours of sleep. But… But if I can look back in 10 years and breathe a sigh of relief that I did it [try] as oppose to a cry of regret because I was too afraid [to try], it will be worth the work, the exhaustion and the hours I will spend studying.
So that’s that. I put it into words. I did not want to forget this. I don’t want to forget this day of minor-ephiphanie I feel that I have had. The realization that I can and just may return to school to pursue a better life has made me feel brighter all day. Like there is a silver lining for me, that maybe, just maybe, if I put my efforts in the right direction I could MAYBE get where I want to be.
Let’s see what tomorrow brings.