The PTSD Tag

I was tagged ages ago now on YouTube to answer the “PTSD Tag” questions.  I have actually filmed this twice yet I have never put my footage, and ultimately my answers, out there.  I decided to blog it instead.  Maybe I will eventually re-film it and upload it but for today let’s just blog it and see what happens.

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF YOUR PTSD?

The cause of my PTSD is childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.

WHEN WERE YOU DIAGNOSED? ARE YOU IN TREATMENT?

I was misdiagnosed for a number of years as mildly bi-polar.  In and around 2012/2013 is when I was re-diagnosed with PTSD which made a lot more sense then the previous diagnoses did. I am currently in treatment and have been for about 4 years now.  Every 2 weeks or so I go to Therapy.  For the past year or so I have been getting EMDR Treatment.

WHAT IS EMDR?

WHO KNOWS ABOUT IT?

My family is aware.  My boyfriend knows.  A few close friends might know.

WHAT ARE YOUR SYMPTOMS?

My symptoms range from mild to SEVERE anxiety, dissociation, and depression.  SO NOT FUN.

HARDEST PART ABOUT LIVING WITH THIS DISORDER?

I find the hardest part about living with PTSD is a combination of never knowing when an anxiety attack or depression is going to hit and feeling like a failure.  I feel like I am failing in life, no real job prospects, living in my moms basement, hating where I live… but I am here, failing, because of PTSD, because I have been hit too many times with crippling anxiety and/or depression and I needed to take some time out.

COPING SKILLS THAT HELP YOU?

Therapy has helped me immensely.  Not everyone needs Therapy, but I did.  Talking about it helps me sometimes.  When I start feeling anxious I can get overly chatty about it.  I also like to lay in a hot bath and try not to think about anything.  Or hide under a soft and cozy blanket in front of my space heater, I like the noise of the heater.

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PTSD?

That we need to be medicated.  That is not true.  I tried medication for 3+ years and it was terrible.  Medication does not treat the root of the problem : TRAUMA.

That we need to “just get over it”.  Honey, if I could just get over it I’d be way past it, believe me.  I have made my Therapist cry with some of my life stories.

That is is mostly a Military issue.  Yes, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT our Military men and women suffer PTSD, and I feel for them, I really do.  They deserve our utmost respect and they should be entitled to the best care that can be given.  It is an absolute travesty that we let men and women fight for our Country(ies) and we tell them we support them.  But who supports the Veteran who is fighting for his life in his own head?

At the same time, THIS IS NOT JUST A MILITARY PROBLEM.  It is a PEOPLE PROBLEM.

People are fucked. Not all, just some.  Sometimes a really fucked up person comes into your life and really, well, fucks you up.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO OTHERS WHO SUFFER FROM THIS DISORDER? ADVICE?

Wether you are a Veteran, a regular person, hec, Lady Gaga – you are not alone.

YOU

ARE 

NOT

ALONE.

We are NOT failures and it is NOT our fault.  Don’t let anyone ever make you feel bad about something that you cannot control.  And if they do, your better off without them. Yes, even if that person is a parent, a sibling, a boyfriend, girlfriend or a spouse- if they make you feel bad about something you have no control over then that person-whomever it may be- is not good for you and is not healthy for your healing.

My advice is to cut out toxic people, which can take time.  And to look into EMDR, who knows, maybe it could help, maybe not, but I figured it was worth a shot.  I may not be healed yet but I am on my way to living a healed life.  I really do not want to know where I would be right now had I not decided to pursue EMDR… but that’s just me 😉

Thank you so much for stopping by! Please feel free to take these questions and answer them for yourself (if you suffer from PTSD), I would love to read your answers!

FUN FACTS ABOUT THIS PICTURE:

My Dad bought me that KoRn sweatshirt when I was 16.  For my birthday.  It’s almost 17 years old now but I still love it!

This was a video still that I was going to use as a thumbnail for a YouTube video I never ended  up uploading because I got too stuck in my head about it.

I crocheted myself that yellow scarf.  I don’t even like yellow that much but I love that scarf.

That’s 2 studs you see in my nose.  Currently I only have one in.  I can’t decide if I like 2 or just one.